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Rank: Newbie
Groups: Registered
Joined: 9/5/2011
Posts: 8
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hi from jonh . I have had ra and sjogrens syndrome 4 eight yrs now , and found it very hard 2 explain 2 people how i was felling with out it sounding like i was having a good old moan , so in the end would just grin and bear it [ not good realy ] i have always been a very active person but over the last few yrs find my self doing less and less . had 2 take early retirement which didnt help . i think deppresion was setting in but didnt no it at the time . i would blow up 4 no reason and because of my mood swings i decided 2 leave my partner , i didnt think it was fair on her having 2 put up with me , she deserved a better live than i could give her . i have had no help or support from my local NHS . there are days when i find it real hard 2 see any future for me . thanks 2 all who have taken the time 2 read this . john.
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 2/18/2010 Posts: 1,098 Location: farningham kent
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Hi John I think it is good you have joined the forum, as we obviously can understand so much about living with RA especially when it is affecting your life so much. I do not have a partner either and I often think that I am better off on my own as life has been very difficult over this period mainly due to RA not been getting under control and feeling that I would have been a burden. However sometimes I really wish I wasn t on my own and did have a kind and caring person to share my life with and we could continue to help each other in different ways, it is very difficult one. You really have to try very hard to stay as positive as you can, it is very important. Make an appointment to see your GP and talk about how you are feeling and all you have been going through, I know there are continual cutbacks with the NHS but you may possibly be able to have some counselling to help you get back on track. I always say we are only here once and it is no dress rehearsal  Also have a look and see if there is a local NRAS group close to where you live they are sprouting up all over the place, like the weeds in my garden ! Take care and keep posting Julia x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,157 Location: Huddersfield
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Hi John,
Sorry you are feeling so down. RA and depression often go hand in hand and it would be worth you seeing your GP and telling him how bad you feel. Lots of people with RA take antidepressants and they really do help. Once you get into a better frame of mind it is easier to cope with the disease.
I would also suggest you ring the NRAS helpline . It would help you a lot if you could speak to someone in the same position as you, living alone with RA, and find out how they cope.
Julia's suggestion of finding an NRAS group to attend is a good idea.
Hope you can get some help to start to feel a bit brighter soon.
Love Doreen xx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 8/25/2010 Posts: 1,289 Location: Buckinghamshire
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hi John,
sorry to hear you are struggling so much and felt the need to leave your Partner which must have been a painful decision for you .. as Doreen says RA can go hand in hand with depression.
i was wondering as you said you hadn't been seen by the NHS for 6 months if you are under the care of a Rheumatology Department..?
i think a trip to your GP would be a good idea, you need to talk things through as to how you are feeling, i think most of us have hit low points with this condition.
hope all our advise has helped you.
Suzanne
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 4/20/2010 Posts: 1,749 Location: Somerset
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Hello John]
Sorry to heasr that you are struggling so much I do hope you stay in contact with us all on this forum.
Why not ring the NRAS and chat over with someone, also I would think a visit to the GP should be on
the cards.
Depression does go hand in hand with RA I have been told this many times and although I was reluctant
at first I did succumb and have taken an anti depressant for a year now. It does make a difference or at
least it did with me.
Rose
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 856
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Hi John
Glad you have joined the forum- it really is so supportive and helpful .
I've lived with RA for 4 ys now and struggle to cope with the ups and downs- often wonder how my husband copes with me as he often bears the brunt of my frustrations.
Please, please see your GP- sorry if it sounds like an order!!!
and as doreen suggests- it might be a good idea to ring the NRAS.
Take care- keep posting, we're here for you
Maria
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 838 Location: Nottinghamshire
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Hello John
I agree with Doreen about ringing NRAS helpline up, if you ask them they will get a volunteer to ring you up. They may (fingers crossed) have a gentleman living alone with RA who will talk to you. I had a lady when I first was diagnosed who rung me up to have a chat, a lovely lady called Helen. She said that I could ring her whenever I wanted to.
Also, do see your GP for a chat.
Take Care
Paula xx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 9/3/2011 Posts: 717 Location: Torbay
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Dear John
You are not alone. I know it's hard and you have to struggle to get through this but there really is hope. So far I have not felt depressed since having RA (diagnosed last month and quite ill since April this year) but I have cried buckets and been through sheer hell and emotional turmoil. I think we have all been through this at some time during our illnesses. We are not only coping with pain but also feelings of fear about the future and loss/bereavement about the things we can no longer do or look forward to......so becoming depressed is not surprising. I can relate to what it's like to experience depression because I had it for about a year after having a baby 23 years ago and it really is a very difficult situation to get out of......but you can do it! Sometimes we need help with depression and can't manage it alone. There is help out there if this would be the right thing for you. The problem is that when someone is actually depressed they feel so hopeless and helpless that sometimes they simply can't believe that anything or anyone would help them and their self esteem becomes so low that they have misplaced feelings of worthlessness. Therefore they withdraw from people including family and friends thus making their depression worse (we all need other people) and they withdraw from pleasurable activities which again just adds to the whole downward spiral. There is hope for the future. It might not be the future you once envisaged but a different one, maybe even a better one. Somehow that downward spiral needs reversing. If you are not able to do this alone, by getting out there and doing positive things with other people, then please seek professional help. Perhaps as I did you might benefit from counselling or a short course of anti-depressants or a support group. I'm glad you've joined the forum as people on here understand what it's like to have RA and they are very kind and will support you and that is a good first step to dealing with it all. Also you have 4 years experience with RA and with the problems that can bring so you will be able to help others too. I have only been diagnosed for one month so I look to senior people like you for advice and support and I don't know what I would have done without it. Keep posting and let us know of your progress.
Best wishes from Naomi.
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/28/2011 Posts: 956 Location: North Preston
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Hi John
Sorry John, only just picked up this post. It sounds like you are in a really bad place right now. You really need to go to your GP and tell him/her how you are feeling. You may need a course of antidepressants. A lot of people on the forum have taken them to get through a bad patch. You will come out of this John. Try to be positive but don't put off going to the doctor. Good luck. Let us know how you get on.
Sheila x
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 1/27/2011
Posts: 68
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Hi John you may be on your own but there is a few of us no doubt on this forum that have partners that don't help with ra and think if they go soft on us we won't keep strong and deal with it.Sometimes it's nice to have someone care for you I think you should have let your partner at least have a try and an understanding of our conditions.We are still human and feel and experience the same as any other and all have the same needs.Take care
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Rank: Newbie
Groups: Registered
Joined: 9/5/2011
Posts: 8
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THANKS 4 ALL YOUR SUPPORT .
I will go and c doctor . because i have moved its all new 2me , its trying 2 shift that feeling of isolation and being alone , im usualy very social . the nearest support groups r in B,HAM which is a nitemare 2 drive , will see ! i would like 2 write more offten , its just sometimes i cant get a connection . i would like 2 say 2 Julia the is not better feeling than being with someone u care about , the hard part is finding that middle ground . thanks again 2 all , please keep posting . John x
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 9/3/2011 Posts: 717 Location: Torbay
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 Glad you are seeing doctor. Did you know that moving house is apparently one of the most stressful things in life (according to psychologists). Maybe this has impacted on how you've been feeling, on top of the health problems which you have to contend with. Anyway....do keep us posted and keep on posting. Good luck with the appointment too. Best wishes from Naomi.
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